Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
