Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
