shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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