If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
