Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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