How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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