I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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