listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Someone signed my nipple.
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