Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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