not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
