you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
