I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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