Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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