oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
