: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize