My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
