That's intense
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
