Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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