Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize