im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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