I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
