My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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