Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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