You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
