she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
