I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize