Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
