you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
