Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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