You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
