just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
