it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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