this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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