definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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