I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
