I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
