My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
