I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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