Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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