So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
