we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
