New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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