Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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