i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
