lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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