Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
