He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
