and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
