My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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