I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
