Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
