Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
