U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
