Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
