you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
