so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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