I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dignity is for republicans.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
