So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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