This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
