wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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