Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
