please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
