i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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