evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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