he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
