someone owes me an orgasm
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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