Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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