If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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