She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
