My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize