We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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